Monday, April 28, 2014

"We accept the love we think we deserve"

To feel is one thing. To understand is another.

People say that over-analysing can make you feel negatively.
A lot of the time that is true, but how many new things did you discover along the way?
You are thinking about the little, intricate details. The whole is made up of little, intricate details.
What did you learn about yourself?

I've learnt that I am shy.
I've learnt that I live to please.
I've learnt that I rely very much on other people.

I have learnt that in order to love others, you have to learn to love yourself.

People can show you love, give you love or take love away. But in the end, a real reciprocation of love is only possible if you love yourself. 
If you don't love yourself, how do you show yourself, you in all your glory to the people around you? 
You can't.
If you don't love yourself, how will you know love and give it to others?
You can't.

For a long time I believed that I was not good enough in terms of grades. Cs and Ds were not okay and I knew that. I tried to improve, but I also didn't try to improve. I cared, but not to the extent where I was willing to devote all my free time to studying.
I had prayers prayed for me, motivating quotes on my whiteboard and constant reminders of how shit I was from my tests and exams. 

One day I had an epiphany.

What is the point of feeling shitty about myself?
I'm trying my best and if that's not good enough, well tough.
And surprise, after I started thinking this way, my grades got better.
I learnt that by doing this, I was one step closer to loving myself.

Your grades are not worth feeling bad about.
Your appearance is not worth feeling bad about.
Your experiences are not worth feeling bad about.

This may come across as a "i don't give a shit" attitude, and in a way it is.
But ultimately, the basis of it all, is to love yourself.
You are you.
You can't change that and no one else can.
Once you realise that nothing can define you besides you, everything changes.

I also believe that you have to learn to love yourself on your own. 
Not from compliments that other people give you, but the compliments you give yourself.

A quote from Perks Of Being A Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky-
"We accept the love we think we deserve."

That is exactly what I mean.