Thursday, July 19, 2012

Summer 2012: Day 15-20- Gateway

Gateway was truly an extraordinary experience... My love and understanding for God has grown vastly and I'm so happy that I got the chance to spend six days with people who are in love with God.

14/07/12, 15/07/12
I have really seen God work in everyone's lives today and I feel so empowered and I feel God's love overflowing in me and I have a sense of safety now, knowing that God is always watching over me and he would never let anything bad happen to me. 

Night rally-
People who were lacking strength and power to commit themselves to God were asked to go to the sides or the front and I was one of them who went up. There was a leader who prayed for me and it was quite funny because he asked me if I wanted it in English, Chinese, or Cantonese which was like the phone companies saying "press 1 for English, press 2 for mandarin". I don't really remember what he said to me but it didn't really register because my barriers were still up. They've been up for a long, long time, but until today, I just didn't know how to break my walls down. So after he prayed for me I went back and tried to be in the 'zone' but that didn't really work either. Then Carolina (my team leader) came up to me and wanted to pray for me so of course I accepted. She was on the second sentence, I started crying and I didn't even know why I was crying but I think my insides knew what was coming but my brain hadn't figured it out yet. Carolina was saying all these things about me condemning myself and worrying. And in actual fact, that was my barrier, even though I never really realised it. I've never told anyone about this before and the fact that Carolina knew was so mind blowing because throughout the whole prayer the sentence that kept going through my mind was, "Ohmygosh, God has told her everything. God knows everything.". These are the things that I really keep inside my heart and when she said those things she was really digging into the depths of it and I immediately broke down because I felt that wall break down and I felt so much closer to God. At the end of the rally, we were all standing around and I just felt that God was asking me to make things up with Stefia. We had a fall out a few months back where I said some really bad things about her and to her. I was contemplating it for a while and I decided that I really should do it and she was near me so I walked up to her and it was like she knew I was coming and she knew what I was there to do, as I walked to her she held out her arms and we had a really long embrace and I started weeping and weeping and I apologised over and over again and she started crying too. I just felt God's presence and his work all fit into place. He knows who we really need by our side and she is one of them. 

My friend's testimony, also on the same night-
On the first day of camp, my mind and heart felt so blocked up, it was as if an armour around it and nothing about God that was taught during the rallier and everything could get in. And that night I realised why; It was because a few months back during our school's masquerade ball, there was a fortune teller and I didn't know that christians were not meant to talk to fortune tellers because it was actually embracing the bad spirits and that night, a bad spirit had entered my body and it has been there for quite a while. So Carolina (my team leader) lead me to repent, which is saying sorry to God for believing in and doing those things. While I repented for the fortune telling, my eyelids started flickering uncontrollably and my jaw tightened and it was like something was trying to stop me from saying the word and my voice went really soft when I was asking God to cast out the bad spirits. It was like the spirit was trying to stop me. During the prayer it rained twice and it was exactly when I was saying something about cleansing and renewal. It was definitely not a coincidence because the rain only lasted about a minute each and it was both at the right times. It was truly amazing because it was like God's glory was raining down on us and it was washing the bad spirit out. Eye flickering is a sign of fortune telling so it was like God forgave me and the spirit had left my body. I had a headache in a very specific spot afterwards and it kept moving around my head and it was the spirit playing with my head. I also had a picture of a grave that was beside our dorm and the spirit was also playing with that image by stretching it and distorting it. I've always been spiritually sensitive but I never really took notice of it and thought it was just something that scarred me as a child. But I realise now that I'm spiritually sensitive, which means I can really feel it when spirits are around. Which is also a reason why I'm so scared of ghosts and the dark. I'm so glad and happy that this armour has been broken and I can finally grow closer to God and be filled with the Holy Spirit. 

I've learnt so much this camp and I've seen God do amazing, amazing things. I just want to praise God and I pray that my faith in him will continue to grow, that I will overflow with God's love and the Holy Spirit. Thank you God for really giving me evidence that you are real and that you know everything about us and care for us. God is good!